What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
