it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
