You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
