I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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