if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
