i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
false alarm, still single
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