id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize