I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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