Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize