he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
