Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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