just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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