she kept yelling 'call me bella'
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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