happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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