I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
