I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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