i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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