quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
