What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
