can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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