He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
