did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
