you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize