I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
