I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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