Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize