She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
