i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I need to calm my uterus...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
