I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
