I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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