look no pants
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
