Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
