I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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