Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
honey bunches of taint.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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