The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
