Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
