so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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