I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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