How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
