she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
