She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
