Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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