New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
