Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
