If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
