His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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