you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
