i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
