Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
