summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
