At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
