Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
