so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
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Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
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I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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