The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
