this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
