All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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