listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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