He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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