The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
