is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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