Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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