Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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