Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
