You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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